Autumn Leaves

Four years ago you my dear sister dropped me off outside of my cottage,we had shopped all day and had bought christmas bits and bobs..... we were always early  for our favorite time of year...how we loved spending our tuesdays and wednesdays together and we made the most of them.....a hug and a kiss and you and mum set off on your way home "see you on monday" we shouted to each other,i had a week booked of work and we planned to spend the week together with your two boys....i was stood under the huge yellow chestnut tree and we had all said how beautiful it was towering above us with its limbs stretched out wide as pretty yellow leaves softly fell around us.

Your hand stretched out of the window waving franticly on one side of the car and mums waving on the other,so unfair we had to have breaks ,we used to say we could spend all week together if i didn't work....i stood waving and blowing kisses as your car pulled away..... i would always run after you in the middle of the road and you would stop for one last kiss.

As you pulled away a strong wind blew down the lane and a blanket of yellow leaves covered my view of your waving hand ....could it be the  old chestnut tree was trying to tell us something? 

The next time i saw your hand it was in mine and you lay quiet and still...you had fallen asleep and would never wake.....time went by and at the chapel of rest i saw your hand  again resting in mine,you were so cold but i held your hand for so long until it felt warm again.

You asked me once if anything happened would i look after your boys? if you are watching us you will know i kept our promise...i love them and cherish being a mum.....its still hard for me and little man to talk about missing you...you two are so close and i know he is in pain, a pain i can't take away with a spoonful of medicine ,medium man is even quieter and i feel although brave suffers a different pain a bandage won't fix....the only medicine i know of is the one you used to give me growing up when i was hurt,you were always my big sister with a hug.

Me? at this time of year...tears fall like autumn leaves and tomorrow i will visit our grave under the tree where you are sleeping and you will  be covered in yellow autumn leaves like the old chesntut tree predicted,in time as you know we will sleep here together. 

God knows how much i love you and he knows i won't be afraid when ever my time comes up because i know i will see my hand in yours once again.

The biggest hugs to you sister xXx